By now, you all know I am a planner. And by planner, I mean it can really be bad.
Some of our biggest marital struggles have been because of my over-planning and Josh's lack-of-planning. It really is funny how different we are in that area. By God's grace, we are STILL trying to meet in the middle.
Even from a young age, I had my life somewhat planned out. For instance, here is what I expected:
1.) Get married at 22
2.) Start having babies at 23
3.) Be finished with babies at 27
4.) Stay at home until school age
5.) Travel and live happily ever after...
AND the NAIVETY and LAUGHTER begin...
By no means am I saying to not expect things in abundance from God, because He is such a giving and good God, but my expectations are not equal to God's will.
Proverbs 23:18 "You will be rewarded for this; your hope will not be disappointed."
Yes, he wants to give me the desires of my heart. But when His plan (which is better for me anyways), doesn't match up with my desires, his will trumps mine. Every.Time.
My Life Imagined Was Different
I am beyond grateful to be 27 years old. As I've mentioned before in birthday posts, I love getting older. Oh how I used to take life for granted! Oh how there are days when I still do! But I realize that each year is a gift. The best birthday present I could receive- LIFE!
So needless to say, I thought my life would look a lot different at 27. Obviously I would have never imagined that my life would have involved cancer...and to think I would be married for almost 8 years is crazy!
I always imagined being the "young mom" and being able to run around with my kids. We always said we would wait a few years to have kids when we got married, but I would have never dreamed or expected that we would wait 8 years. Obviously, that was not of our desire, but we are still trusting.
Expectations are relationship-killers
I still struggle with expectations in my life. I've learned that I generally have really high expectations of things. But normally not things that matter for eternity- dates, events, birthdays, presents, etc..
As I've gotten older, I realize that these expectations can KILL relationships. Yes, they can kill them. If I put all of my expectations into Josh doing something super special for my birthday or graduation or Christmas, I am bound to be disappointed.
I've gotten better about being more open about my expectations and I've really worked at lowering them. Yes, I know I am being vulnerable:)
But, here is what I've learned about myself. I think those high expectations are God-given. But I need to redirect them. To eternal things.
Expecting God to show up big in my life.
Expecting God to come through on a prayer request I have been praying for years and doubt if it will ever happen.
Expecting God to do what His promises say he will do, even if people think I'm crazy.
So, yes, expectations can kill relationships. They can also set you up to be hurt. They can set you up to be disappointed.
But here's the good news:
God requires expectation and rewards it. The risk is so much less than the reward. When I think of all I expected God to heal me from---HE DID IT! How devastating it would have been to put my expectation in healing and not get healed.
But, the risk was worth the reward. Put your expectation in something radical. Something eternal. Something supernatural. I can't wait to hear how God supercedes my expectations when year 28 comes around!