My fingernails are still suffering:( My first three fingernails on both hands are so very sore. They are turning a little bit of a yellow and red color and I am having a hard time opening things and just doing little daily tasks- you'd be surprised how much you use your fingertips/fingernails! My toenails are hurting as well and I am having to make myself wear certain shoes. I wanted to wear heels to church today, but I made myself wear flats so I wouldn't been in pain. I thought long and hard about it though--the things girls do!!
This next week I start back at my 2nd full semester of school in my PhD program. I graduated with my Master's degree in Marriage and Family Therapy in May of 2011 and started my PhD in June. I finished out this past semester in December and am enrolled full time this Spring. All of my classes are on Mondays and Tuesdays--how awesome! Most all of my doctor's appointments are on Thursdays and Fridays so I should miss little to no classes! So far, I haven't had to miss any of my coursework--- my teachers have been amazing and the MFT program as a whole as been so incredibly supportive of me. I am looking forward to seeing my classmates and teachers!! Please pray for me as I start back on Tuesday!
This week, God has taught me a lesson in being still and recognizing that He is at work. Psalm 46:10 is a verse that we hear all the time, but He has continually spoken it to me this week.
"Be still and know that I am God."
This whole cancer experience is obviously something I have never experienced before. The biggest battlefield is in my mind and that is where the devil tries to attack me most. Many times I am thinking about my diet, the chemo working, my treatment schedule, surgery, worrying about not praying enough, radiation, exercise, mastectomy, reconstruction, being stress-free, school work etc... and God has reminded me to rest in Him. To be still and know that He is fighting for me. Yes, I will eat right and schedule appointments and do my school work and exercise, etc..., but He does not want me to carry this burden. He wants to carry it and wants me to give it to Him.
"Give your burdens to the LORD, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall." Psalm 55:22
I feel like I have been doing this, but there is a part of me and my human nature that wants to take this disease on full-force and fight with all I've got. Don't get me wrong, I am!!!!!! But if I tried to do it with my willpower, I would be falling so short and be way too exhausted. God wants me to be desperate for Him--he wants me to be weak--so He can rescue me. Then, I am strong. Then, I feel safe. I have an opportunity to be the strongest girl in the world- simply by recognizing that God is God and I am in desperate need of my Savior to rescue me.
"He gives power to the weak, and to those who have no might He increases strength." Isaiah 40:29
"I will bring healing to it: I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace and security." Jer. 33:6
I know I will enjoy abundant peace and security one day in its entirety. God is already giving me peace beyond understanding, but when you have been told you have cancer, every little thing that you feel in your body can make you anxious. I know I can trust God and His word and the promises in His word. I do not know His timing, but His promises never fail.
“Not one of all the Lord’s good promises to Israel failed; every one was fulfilled.” Joshua 21:45
God's promises tell me that He will heal me. I must now walk in faith. Faith comes from hearing the Word and I am striving to surround and engulf myself in His perfect word. I just can't wait for the day that the doctor's tests show what I already know- cancer-free-- HEALED!!! I know it is not far away and that makes me very, very excited!!!
This will be my last week of Taxol- Praise the Lord!!! I am really so excited to be done with this and bring on the next one. By my rough calculations, I believe I will be done with chemo on March 31..that really doesn't seem far at all!
I realized that many of people in town have seen Raquel, but many who check the blog don't see me regularly, so Josh took a picture of me after church today so you all could see her:)
The next time I write, I will officially be done with Taxol!! I will NOT miss her and will never see her again in Jesus' name:)
LOVE YOU ALL!!!
Ran out of fingers:) #11!!!!!!
This is tile work that is above our stove..so timely and what a wonderful reminder....