Tuesday, July 29, 2014

I Wasn't Made to Be a Mother

I Wasn't Made to Be a Mother

Yes, it's true, I wasn't made to be a mother. Do I believe I will be a mother? Yes. Do I believe God has called me to motherhood? Yes. But is it my purpose for living? No. Absolutely not.

Several months ago, I received an email from a friend whose daughter was having infertility issues of her own. She learned that she could not have children and was looking into other ways of becoming a mom. 

What she conveyed in her email to me was amazing. She said that her daughter said, "God did not put me on this earth necessarily to have babies. I was put here to love and glorify Him in all circumstances."

Wow, wow, wow! When I read this, it hit me like a ton of bricks. What an amazing perspective. Yes, I truly believe being a mother is one of the greatest callings on my life, but it doesn't define me. Christ does.

What Defines You?

For many years, I was defined as a wife. As Josh's wife. I so longed to be a wife, and I really found so much identity in that role. Because of my identity as a wife, I actually think I am a great wife. Ha, no but really! When it is your identity, you can be incredible at something!!!!

But here's the thing, while me finding my identity in being a wife was good in some areas, in other areas, it destroyed me. 

When I felt like I disappointed Josh, or didn't do something right, made him angry...whatever it might have been, my world came crashing down. While that may be seen from the world's point of view as sympathetic or "What a caring wife...", that wasn't and isn't healthy!

When so much of my identity is found in another person, I am bound to be let down. I am bound to feel worthless. I am bound to self-sabotage. It will happen. People are imperfect. And imperfect people will mess up, and the ones who find who they are in those people are left in the dust.

I Was Made to Be a Believer

A huge majority of my friends are moms. I really think it is a blessing that so many have gone before me to help me with this mom stuff when it comes my turn. But I can see those who fall in and out of finding their identity in motherhood. 

It can be simple things from the food they make, to the clothes they buy, to the discipline they use---all of these things are wonderful things, but they can be crippling when we look at our identity of being a mom in those things. All of these things not only do not define whether or not we are good moms, but they will exhaust us!!! We must find our value and identity in Christ. 

Until we find our identity in him, we will never feel fulfilled when we are getting our value from other sources.

What I Am

So, of course I'm not a mom, yet. And gosh, I really can't wait to be! But in this season of waiting, I've tried to focus on who I am. Although the titles of wife and mom seem like the best titles in the world, I am SO much more than that, and so are you!!! 

I want to be Aly. Just Aly. And "just Aly" is something incredibly unique. There is not one other person like me!!! Who am I outside of Josh's wife? Cyd's daughter? Jessica's sister? These things do not define me.

Make a list of WHO you are. Make sure it stems out of WHOSE you are. I am preaching to myself these things, as we are currently going through fertility treatments. I have to keep my eye on the prize.


determined, strong, a child of God, beautiful in God's eyes, blameless, goal-oriented, self-motivated, loving, a wife, faithful friend, a daughter, a niece, hard working, peacemaker, fun-loving, a sister, encouraging, positive... I will continue to add more!

As uncomfortable as it makes me to think of who I am- the good qualities in myself (even if I have to write a few of them in faith), it reminds me of who I am and what defines me. Oh if we could see ourselves the way the Father sees us!

Thankful I wasn't made to just be a mom,



Nell said...

Aly, Again you and Josh amaze me! You both have maturity beyond your years. I learn so much from you Guys and from your posts. You share what is in your hearts and it touches me and changes me. It seems that as I have prayed for yo, I have been the most blessed. Thank you for being so transparent and showing us what true Christianity is. I love you!

Betsy Greener said...

Wow! Just wow! What an eye opener! Thank you for this Aly I needed to hear this! You are so amazing and I am so so glad you have come back into my life this last year! I am so greatful for our friendship! Thank you for sharing this!

Aly Taylor said...

Thank you Ms. Nell. You guys are a constant example to us of faithfulness. We love you and are so thankful you have walked this journey with us!

Betsy, thank you sweet friend. How awesome is our God to have us reconnect like He did. I am the grateful one:)

Anonymous said...

Dear Aly, i had to take a deep breath in the middle of reading your post. Having to say " I was created to be more than a mom while still waiting to be one" took much more energy than I thought. Thank you for sharing.