Thursday, June 27, 2013

Surgery in AM/ Invisibility & Specificity

Tomorrow Aly will undergo another surgery but this one is to go back and address a few of the issues created through other surgeries. We met today with Dr.Villa and went over what all will happen tomorrow.

We have decided to only do a few of the proposed options and here they are;

Dr Villa is going to address one spot on each side of Aly's ribs where the drains were inserted. These spots will be taken out and made into smaller, less noticeable spots.

The other item will be addressing the non radiated side and attempt to even up both of Aly's breasts. In essence a lift on her right side.

I continue to be taught by my wife. Last week when we were here we went to our final Dr. visit and after the visit we get to our car and are headed to Whole Foods when Aly tells me she forgot her phone. We both immediately knew where it was and had seen the phone on the exam table. We went back to the hospital which took us about 30 minutes. When we got back to the hospital the phone was gone.

The lady that cleaned the room said she didn't see it. We filed a report and to this point the phone is gone. Last week the idea of leaving the hospital without searching, physical searching every lady on that floor was unbelievable to me. All the pictures and video that we can't recover. No, we didn't have icloud on Aly's phone. My fault.

I looked at Aly after about an hour of talking to the people and said how far do you want me to go to get this phone? She says well we've done everything we can. I'm thinking oh no, there are about 10 things we can do and none of them were legal or kind. Oh well. So we left and Aly has just gone on with life.

Even having gone through what we have I still can lose perspective and in this case Aly brings back the reality of losing a phone for us is so insignificant in the big picture. It is painful but obviously for us just a drop in the pan.

So as we get ready for another surgery I again am in awe at my wife's ability to stay grounded and know what matters.

A few thoughts on the new tab about Cancer Care taking, which you can see here.

One of the points of the list is to serve the affected family by doing specific things for the family. Don't ask can you do anything but think about your day and as you go about your day know that each of those things are going on in that persons life. That is a great starting point for you to serve.

For example, if a guy I know is affected all I have to do is look at my day to see 10 or more great ways I can serve him.

Take trash out.
Water/ fertilize/ mow yard.
Get oil changed in cars.
Update expiration stickers.
Organize garage.
Car detailed.
Prepping hunting lease, corn, lane clearing, stand maintenance.
Honey do list- ex. Frame chalkboard, install ironing board, stain coffee table.
Stain fence
Check sprinkler system.

These are things I could do for someone because chances are every guy has a couple things on this list he needs done. These are all things I either still need to do or have had done for me by people. I wouldn't think to tell them unless they specifically say can I do ______for you?

Being Invisible?

Learn to be invisible when you're around people in crisis.

Challenge yourself to be servant first, friend/ advisor second. Can you be in a conversation and not participate?  Remember though this feels like a break from normal life, for the people you are with you are in their new everyday life.

A couple like Aly and I have people in our everyday life situations where we use to have only Aly and I. Imagine all the things that you struggle with your spouse about in daily life and add someone else to the mix. Needless to say that doesn't calm situations but only exaggerates whatever friction is normal.

There is a reason a marriage is between two people instead of 3. Be careful to be a fall back support instead of the main beam. In the infamous trust fall the people catching the person who falls don't assist in the fall. They are there when or if they are needed, they don't assist in the fall.

If you are in crisis of some kind and are struggling with someone know that they are there because they love you. Kindness is required on your part no matter the boundaries that are violated.

Once again, we are so thankful for your support and we believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is continuing to heal Aly.

Go check out the cancer care taking page here.

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