|Catching Aly Sleeping.|
I will not ask if you have been in a dark place. You have. How did you get out?
Someone needs to hear about the experience. Why?
So the next time it starts getting dark they will know what color rope to throw down to you.
I can't put my finger on when it happened but I know a general time. It was a positive thing that occupied my brain.
I was preparing for a big event in my job, and much of my time and attention went there instead of focusing on what gives me life.
I forgot somewhere before the event to give God part of my day. I forgot that the only way I am in a place to do God's work is because of God's time.
You see, sin would be easier to avoid. This was kingdom work so I wrapped myself in it and pushed ahead. What an event.
Only problem is this, I had used all of me to make that happen. When you put your hope in measurable things the unmeasurable is abandoned.
Those events set up what became a few weeks of darkness that I have tried in a feeble way to overcome. I abandoned what was giving me life. Energy. Hope. Peace.
You see, I had proven many times over that financial success is not enough for me. It lasts for a shorter time than an alcohol induced buzz.
I spent this weekend in Cleveland, Ga. at Radical Mentoring Bootcamp. I spent time with 95 men who have figured out that the only hope for being what God has called us to be is to let someone in. Let another man help tote the note.
I was able to listen to Andy Stanley speak about calling. Here are a few highlights:
A calling is usually more meaningful than measurable.
Our fear of not mattering much can drive us away from what matters most.
The things that matter most are usually immeasurable.
About a year ago I started the process of letting a few guys know what colored rope to throw when I'm down.
This weekend I get to go on a retreat with my second Radical Mentoring Group. This group of 6 guys will experience life at a new level.
My encouragement to you is this, when you find yourself fighting back the darkness make sure and tell someone. Fighting alone is harder and there are more casualties.
Because I didn't reach out I now have more of a mess to clean up. While wallowing in my misery I hurt my wife. I distanced myself from her. I hurt the one that would give it all up for me. Of course, not physically, but emotionally. We are all prone to that when we are in a dark hole. I was battling Satan and didn't let the light in fast enough. This is a 3 week gap where I did not engage with God. The moment that happened, life got tougher. I am not as good of a man when God is not a part of my daily life.
Aly, I am sorry. Just as I told you last night, I love you and feel like dirt when I hurt you. Though there is less of the old Josh, it did rear its ugly head the last two weeks. Thank you for speaking life to me all along the way.
My attitude was uncalled for. So was your love. Thank you for meeting me in my misery and helping me start the fight back out.
My next post will be about the process I have put in place to identify what triggers my trouble. The only thing worse than getting in a bad spot would be to not learn from it.
I will not allow that to happen. I am committed to drawing closer to God, Aly, Family and Friends.
We love you guys and are doing well. In my vulnerability, I don't want to freak anyone out. Of course unless it does need to freak someone out and let them know to seek help. If that is you, let someone know. No good reason to sit in a dark hole. It does not get better down there. People around you have ropes they are desperate to throw down. Tell somebody and let God work.