I truly cannot believe it's been 7 years. I would have never guessed 7 years ago that the vows we made to each other would be shook to the core. As we know, many people do not take the commitment of marriage seriously. Although we did and still do take our vows seriously, we still had very little idea of what those promises meant. The phrase "in sickness and health" is a phrase that is somewhat breezed over, as most couples envision spending time together in their 80's or 90's as they may have to help somewhat with their spouse's health. That's most people's view of "sickness." This is actually more of the exception to the rule, as a spouse becomes ill way before the "ideal" age, or one struggles with a sickness at an unexpected age. When couples recite those vows to each other, they never really think it will happen to them. I am thankful for so many things that have occured throughout my journey, but words cannot describe how grateful I am that my husband and I meant what we said in our wedding vows. Ironically, for our 5 year wedding anniversary (our anniversary a few months before my diagnosis) I gave Josh a frame to go over our bed, with our wedding vows printed inside. Just a reminder of what we promised to each other over 7 years ago.
Our vows over our bed
I have struggled in my teenage years and early 20's of being a woman of my word. I would unintentionally say things like , "I'll call you this week," or "Let's grab lunch next month," or "I'll send you a reminder," and I would end up forgetting. I used to just write it off to my "bad memory", until I confronted myself about not being a woman of my word. Now, of course I give myself grace and know there are times in which I forget, but I strive to be someone who meant what she said- someone people could count on. I feel like I've gotten better at this, and am striving to be known as someone others can count on. My commitment to my promise to Josh and to God of staying married through sickness and health, good times and bad, richer or poorer, etc... is one that I take seriously. The most serious, rewarding, and difficult promise, outside of being committed to my Lord and Savior. Lord help me be a woman of my word!
"Moses spoke to the heads of the tribes of the people of Israel, saying, “This is what the Lord has commanded. If a man vows a vow to the Lord, or swears an oath to bind himself by a pledge, he shall not break his word. He shall do according to all that proceeds out of his mouth." Numbers 30:1-2
We had a wonderful anniversary. We spent it at Lake Bruin and it was one of the most relaxing get-aways we have had in a long time. God really smiled on us on our anniversary. Last year at this time, I was recovering from my first lat-flap surgery. I remember feeling like I couldn't move...nerve pain, muscle pain, chest pain, rib pain. Needing help for EVERYTHING. Thank you Lord for where I am today. There are days it hits me that I am somewhat normal, and I am just in awe. A year ago, I wondered if I would ever feel normal, ever again.
"Every promise of God proves true; He protects everyone who runs to Him for help." Proverbs 30:5
Josh and I have been trying to enjoy our last few weeks of summer. I will be working at Claiborne Christian School this year as their school counselor. I am so excited and praying that I will help students there spiritually, academically, personally, mentally....that God will use me to equip students and their families to walk with the Lord and truly become a biblically functioning family. I am super excited to see how God will use me there. Josh also works at CCS. Our offices and what we do there are so totally different, but I am excited to be on the same "campus" with my man! All things truly work together for the good of those who love God.
We went to the beach last week with my family and I was so thankful for this trip. Last year, we missed our family trip, as I was recovering from my surgery, so I am especially thankful for this year's trip. To be able to get in water (not worrying about incisions), to be out in the sun (not worrying about my skin's susceptibility to sun-burn because of chemo), and to have the energy and desire to enjoy God's creation- it truly is indescribable. Here are some pics from our beach trip.
IT IS AUGUST!!!! I can hardly believe it and I am overwhelmed, excited, nervous, overjoyed for what August will bring. I go to Houston on the 15th for some touch-ups on my breast reconstruction, and then on the 18th I have my scans, and on the 19th, Dr. Litton will go over my scans. The scans she has ordered are a chest x-ray and a pelvic/abdomen CT scan. These are the scans that she wanted to order before we start to try for a baby. Literally, this date felt forever away. On my worst days, I wondered if I would be alive on this day, on chemo during this day, or if this day would ever come. Once my scans come back clear, in Jesus' name, we will be in the clear to start our family. They still would like us to wait to October to try, but at least the scans will be done and we can have that peace of mind.
So, August 18th and 19th are 2 of the biggest days I've had yet. I would appreciate your prayers more than ever. As many of you know at this point, I am a list maker, and I get great satisfaction of scratching something off a list. From the beginning of my diagnosis, I wanted a timeline. For chemo, for surgeries, for radiation, for reconstruction, a date when everything would be through, and a date when we could start a family. So, when I knew that around 2 years from diagnosis, we could start a family, it has been that date that I have reached for and toward and believed I would reach, and it is almost here. PRAISE GOD!
So, as we get closer to October, I know that many of you will want to know how the "baby-trying/making" is going. All we ask at this time, is that you respect Josh and I by not asking too many baby questions. Of course, we will take all the prayers and encouragement we can get, but we also know that many of you will be curious as to how things are progressing, and we want it to happen when God ordains it to happen. So, we just thank you in advance for respecting us, and we promise, as soon as we have a sweet one on the way, we will let you know!!! Thank you for being so invested in our lives. Do you realize that all of your prayers have led us to this place?! Wow, how grateful we are for each one of you!
So, we are asking for your prayers. For my reconstructive appointment on Thursday, for my perfect scans on Sunday, the 18th., and for a perfect report and check up on the 19th. When I get the good results next Monday, I cannot imagine the joy that will fill me. Just another confirmation of my healing. It is one thing to believe and trust things are good, but for tests and doctors to confirm that definitely brings me even more peace.
We will update you all once we know something. In the next few days, I will update the "fertility promises" tab at the top of our blog. As we get closer toward parenthood, I will start meditating on these verses.
Oh God, that I would be the mother you created me to be! To raise my children in the fear and love of you! Just as I have promised to honor my vow to you and to my husband, I vow to raise my children as fully devoted disciples of you. Equip me and lead me Lord! My efforts are useless without you. Thank you for healing me and continuing to make it evident. I thank you in advance for good test results. May your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Thank you for reminding me, your beloved child, of your love for me and the joy it gives you to bless me. All glory and honor and praise to you. I ask these things in Jesus' name.
Staying true to my promises and believing God's,