Hey guys,
It feels like a while since I have updated you all, although it has only been a week. Last Tuesday, my mom drove me down to Houston to get expanded and to possibly get some drains out. Well, I still had the last 2 drains in until this morning, and I got expanded a 100 cc's last week. We met with Dr. Villa, and his P.A. Alisha, who I like so much. I got one of my drains out today though! I still have one left that should come out this weekend. Josh will actually be able to take it out. He watched the P.A. today, and she showed him how to do it! It will be so wonderful when these drains are out. It will be nice not having 2 large balloons on my stomach:)
The expansions last week- oh my goodness- it hurt so badly! At the time I got expanded, my chest just felt really tight, but as we left, the pain really set in. The pain was so tight in my chest. The expander is placed behind my chest muscle so, when it gets filled up, my muscle is being moved. So, my chest hurts really badly, but my back is the main thing that has just throbbed and throbbed. We got in the car to head home last week and I started to feel so nauseous. I ended up throwing up and was just in a lot of pain. I felt much better after I threw up.. I think it was just the extreme pain in my back with the combination of the car ride...ooo, it was terrible. My mom gave me a good back massage, which made me feel much better. It wasn't until about Friday of last week that my back and chest really started to feel better. I got a professional massage on Saturday and that was amazing. My chest is just still so sore and tight.
Today marks a month since my surgery. That is hard to believe. I, of course feel much better than I did a month ago, but I continue to be amazed at how much further I have to go to feel normal. The littlest thing like a sneeze or cough can bring me to tears as my chest expands. I am just trying to take it day by day and I know in a year's time, all of this will seem like a memory from long ago:)
Josh and I headed to Houston yesterday for appointments that I had today and will have tomorrow. I had an appointment with my plastic surgeon this morning, where they expanded my right breast and deflated my left, since they need a flat surface for radiation. After that, we walked outside, grabbed some lunch, then headed over to meet with my radiation doctor, Dr. Strom. In that meeting, we discussed what all will happen in radiation and he answered any questions we had. Tomorrow, I have an appointment that is a simulation. They will mark me with special paint to guide the radiation beams, as well as make a "custom-made bean bag" that my arm and neck with rest on as I will be in somewhat of an odd position during radiation. I have to have my arm up so they can radiate under my armpit, and it is oh so hard to hold it up. According to how well I do in the simulation tomorrow, we will schedule my radiation( hopefully to begin next week). Dr. Strom didn't seem very pleased about my range of motion, but he also didn't sound like it was too terrible...so hopefully we will be able to do simulation tomorrow and start radiation next week. Above all, we want to do the radiation when it is best for my body and life-long health.
Many people have asked me why I am having radiation when my pathology came back clear. Well, it is strictly to make sure that every cancer cell is killed so that my chances of reoccurrence are as low as possible. There is always a chance that a single cancer cell is still hanging out in my chest area, and even though that chance is small with my awesome pathology results, the radiation is just there for being extra careful. Taking my age and stage of cancer initially into consideration, the doctors recommend doing the full course of treatment to make sure I live a very, very long time....yes, please!
"The Lord says, "I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who know my name. When they call on me, I will answer them. I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue and honor them. I will reward them with a long life, and give them salvation." Psalm 91: 14-16
So, if things go well tomorrow, I should start radiation next week. I am ready for this next adventure. 6 weeks seems like a long time, but I really feel like it will go by quickly. Please if you come to the Houston area this summer, contact me!!! I would love to grab lunch or hang out with any of you! So thankful and excited to be staying at the Stanfills. They are the absolute best and the biggest blessing to Josh and me.
My emotions have been pretty crazy over this last week. When my back is hurting or my chest is hurting, fears can creep up. Then the next day, God reminds me of my complete healing, and then I feel bad for ever doubting. My poor husband probably feels like he lives with someone with multiple personalities! I am reminded that when my head doubts or worries, my heart stays the same. God's voice is way louder than the devil's who tries to kill and destroy me at every chance. But God has chosen to give me life- abundant life. That is the voice that is louder above all others. I am healed, I am whole!!! Affliction will not rise up a second time. I believe, claim and confess this over and over.
As of right now, my back is still feeling much better. After being deflated on my left side today, I have felt much relief. So one more weekend in West Monroe, as we head back after my hopeful simulation tomorrow. So grateful to start the last step of my treatment...what God has started in me, He will complete. So thankful for all of you who have taught me to trust in God's word. Many of us do not know God's will...I of course do not. But this is what I do know..His word is His will, so I can rest assured that what He says, He wills to do. So, I do not question His word, wondering if it is God's will "for me." I know His word is His will, and I do not have to wonder about that. Thank you Jesus! Many of His promises are conditional, and I must do my part for them to come to pass. What a challenge...but here I am, taking it head on, today and every day!
Love you!!!
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Monday, May 14, 2012
Expansions and Drains, Expansions and Drains!!
Yes, my life is revolving around expansions and drains! We will head to Houston this afternoon for an appointment tomorrow morning. I should get expanded again, and possibly some drains out, although from my measurements, it may be a while more on these drains. The good news is that I got out 2 drains last week! One of my drains stopped working and another was draining the required amount, so I got out 2! I now just have 2 drains left- One on the right and one on the left. Although, I have gotten more used to them now, I am ready for them to be out! They pull and aggravate my skin, and of course concealing them under clothing is near to impossible. But, I assume they will be out by next week! That is what I am praying and hoping for.
Last Thursday, I also got expanded another 75 cc's. This time really hurt after I got expanded...it literally feels like an elephant is sitting on my chest. My back hurt extremely bad after the expansion, although it is much, much better. Please pray for my chest and back to be as free from pain as possible! Tomorrow, I will get expanded again and am praying that my back and chest do not hurt as bad as last week. Thank goodness for prayer, heating pads, and advil!:)
My mom is taking me down to Houston today and took me down last week, so that Josh could stay and get some work done. Please pray that God will continue to provide for us and help us as we transition back into "normal" life. We have tried our best to keep our lives as normal as possible, but it is an adjustment to try to go back to "normal", even though life will never be quite "normal" again. We are seeking God for guidance in our work and school and that he would give us the strength and endurance we need to do what he would have us do. We know He has great plans for us. We want to be good stewards of all He has done for us.
We had a great mother's day yesterday with our moms. We have both been blessed with wonderful mothers and God was so good to me yesterday. He gave me reminders all day long that I will one day be a mother. I truly have no doubt. I will share of these amazing reminders he showed me down the road...it is truly amazing what He is doing in me. I am in awe...
This is a verse that Josh has held on to and I have believed as well:
Psalm 128:3 "Your wife will be like a fruitful vine, flourishing within your home. And look at all those children! There they sit around your table as vigorous and healthy as young olive trees."
2 weeks from this Wednesday, I will be starting my 6 weeks of radiation! Until then, I need to get fully expanded and be able to lift my left arm over my head. It is still very tight and not quite there, so please pray that I can get fully expanded by then and that my arm can move over my head. Also, please pray that I will never get lymphedema. Lymphedema is something that happens to women who have had a lymph node dissection (like I did), which means that all of your lymph nodes were removed under one or both of your arms. Your lymph nodes contain fluid, and once those lymph nodes are taken out, many times women will develop lymphedema, in which the fluid has no where to go, so it collects in their arms. They can become very swollen and painful. There is no medical "cure" for lymphedema, other than managing the pain and swelling. I have had no sign of lymphedema, and I believe that I never will, but it of course is a concern. Many people develop it by picking up heavy things, so needless to say, my husband (aka Sergeant Josh) has been picking up everything for me that is over about 2 pounds and scolding me when he sees me trying to pick up and clean:). I am trying to see the good side of this, in that I am not having to do much work, but it has been hard feeling like I can't help as much around the house or pick up things or kids like I used to. I know there is a healthy balance of picking things up and I will educate myself on all of this, but this is just another specific thing we can all pray for.
Hebrews 10:23 "Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful."
Also, I just want to thank the people from my church that brought me food after my surgery. Our church is amazing. As I have shared on here, I am eating very healthy, so to have fresh, healthy food brought to my house for 2 weeks- simply amazing. I didn't have to think about it and got to see so many sweet faces and eat some great, healthy food... I love you all so much.
Oh, and we are still waiting on the P-53 genetic test results, so please continue praying that these results will be negative. I am so sure that they will be. I will let you know as soon as we get those back.
Some pictures are posted below..please don't look if you have a weak stomach. Josh took a picture of some of my drains. I wasn't so sure about posting some of these, but Josh thought it would be helpful to give you all an idea of the drains and how they work. Hopefully this will help you all get a better picture of what I have been carrying ...
Last Thursday, I also got expanded another 75 cc's. This time really hurt after I got expanded...it literally feels like an elephant is sitting on my chest. My back hurt extremely bad after the expansion, although it is much, much better. Please pray for my chest and back to be as free from pain as possible! Tomorrow, I will get expanded again and am praying that my back and chest do not hurt as bad as last week. Thank goodness for prayer, heating pads, and advil!:)
My mom is taking me down to Houston today and took me down last week, so that Josh could stay and get some work done. Please pray that God will continue to provide for us and help us as we transition back into "normal" life. We have tried our best to keep our lives as normal as possible, but it is an adjustment to try to go back to "normal", even though life will never be quite "normal" again. We are seeking God for guidance in our work and school and that he would give us the strength and endurance we need to do what he would have us do. We know He has great plans for us. We want to be good stewards of all He has done for us.
We had a great mother's day yesterday with our moms. We have both been blessed with wonderful mothers and God was so good to me yesterday. He gave me reminders all day long that I will one day be a mother. I truly have no doubt. I will share of these amazing reminders he showed me down the road...it is truly amazing what He is doing in me. I am in awe...
This is a verse that Josh has held on to and I have believed as well:
Psalm 128:3 "Your wife will be like a fruitful vine, flourishing within your home. And look at all those children! There they sit around your table as vigorous and healthy as young olive trees."
2 weeks from this Wednesday, I will be starting my 6 weeks of radiation! Until then, I need to get fully expanded and be able to lift my left arm over my head. It is still very tight and not quite there, so please pray that I can get fully expanded by then and that my arm can move over my head. Also, please pray that I will never get lymphedema. Lymphedema is something that happens to women who have had a lymph node dissection (like I did), which means that all of your lymph nodes were removed under one or both of your arms. Your lymph nodes contain fluid, and once those lymph nodes are taken out, many times women will develop lymphedema, in which the fluid has no where to go, so it collects in their arms. They can become very swollen and painful. There is no medical "cure" for lymphedema, other than managing the pain and swelling. I have had no sign of lymphedema, and I believe that I never will, but it of course is a concern. Many people develop it by picking up heavy things, so needless to say, my husband (aka Sergeant Josh) has been picking up everything for me that is over about 2 pounds and scolding me when he sees me trying to pick up and clean:). I am trying to see the good side of this, in that I am not having to do much work, but it has been hard feeling like I can't help as much around the house or pick up things or kids like I used to. I know there is a healthy balance of picking things up and I will educate myself on all of this, but this is just another specific thing we can all pray for.
Hebrews 10:23 "Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful."
Also, I just want to thank the people from my church that brought me food after my surgery. Our church is amazing. As I have shared on here, I am eating very healthy, so to have fresh, healthy food brought to my house for 2 weeks- simply amazing. I didn't have to think about it and got to see so many sweet faces and eat some great, healthy food... I love you all so much.
Oh, and we are still waiting on the P-53 genetic test results, so please continue praying that these results will be negative. I am so sure that they will be. I will let you know as soon as we get those back.
Some pictures are posted below..please don't look if you have a weak stomach. Josh took a picture of some of my drains. I wasn't so sure about posting some of these, but Josh thought it would be helpful to give you all an idea of the drains and how they work. Hopefully this will help you all get a better picture of what I have been carrying ...
This is when I had 4 drains. This is one less than what I started with.
Modeling my four drains...so attractive
Here you can see where the drains go in. Yes, this is a picture of my stomach that I am putting for the world to see..ugh, but wanted to give you an idea of where the drains were on the sides of my stomach. This was just last week...only 2 drains left- one on the left side and one on the right. The drains go in on the upper sides of my stomach.
Here is the one that is still in on the right side of my ribs. You can see next to it where the other drain used to be. On my right side, I had 3 of these. Crazy, right?!
Here's to expansions, more drains taken out, and less pain! Thank you Jesus!
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
On the road again...
Hey guys!
So, we are on the road again...we were hoping to get my expansions and drains taken out in West Monroe, but we have decided to just continue with getting all of my medical needs done at MD Anderson. They are the ones familiar with my treatment, and that is where we feel comfortable:) So, we will just have a few more trips to Houston. I counted it up the other day. We have traveled to and from Houston over 25 times in 7 months time. Isn't that crazy? I got my oil changed about 3 weeks ago and Josh got my oil changed a few days ago. I felt sure he forgot I already had it changed, but no, it was time for a change!! So crazy...I don't say that to complain, but I've just begun to realize how much traveling we have done. So thankful we are able to travel though. I have heard of others that want to get treated at MD Anderson, but live too far away, or don't have proper transportation, so we are blessed!
Tomorrow will be a pretty simple day in that I am just getting expanded and hopefully getting a drain or 2 out. I was able to get one drain removed last week, but I still have 4 in. I am so ready to get these drains out, but I know they must come out at the right time. My sleeping has gotten pretty rough, as I can't get comfortable because of the tightness in my chest and the drains...so please pray for better sleep. In the scheme of things, this is a small issue, but you just feel better when you sleep better! And poor Josh has about an inch of the bed to sleep on because I take up most of the bed with all my pillows. So, needless to say, sleep has been pretty tough for the both of us. Outside of the sleep and pain, I am doing better day by day. I am having back pain..probably because the way I have been sleeping, but please, please pray that this will go away. Satan tries to lie to me about different symptoms, but I rebuke him and put him in is place. If you only knew the spiritual warfare that goes on in this little girl's mind! God always wins. Vctory is won. Praise the Lord!!
I talked to my nurse today on the phone, and she said it could take up to a year to get to feeling like myself again. Typically, patients begin to feel better 4 to 6 months after surgery. Great, right? She explained to me that my body has just basically been through the ringer..to have chemo flowing through it for 6 months and then a radical surgery...so that made me feel better in knowing I feel as I should feel. I just wish the time table was just shorter. Everythng is relative now that I'm cancer-free. And oh yeah, I can officially use that term now. I asked my nurse when I would be deemed cancer-free by tests and such, and she said that my pathology is what deemed me cancer free. She explained that I wouldn't have any body scans unless I was having any persistent symptoms that occurred. At that point, would have scans(which will never happen, in Jesus' name..the persistent symptoms part). She explained that I will not have any full- body scans until closer to the time of trying to have a baby. So, I'm cancer free. Yep, that's me.
We also have a date for the potential start of radiation- May 30th! Pending that all of my expansions are done by that date, as well as proper arm movement, I will start radiation on the 30th. So, until then, I will get expanded on both sides, and deflated on the left before the start of radiation. I will also be moving there for 6 weeks. I'm really looking forward to being in Houston. I will hopefully get some good alone time with God, as well as working on my dissertation. I'm so thankful to the ULM MFT department working with me on making my classes work... I will be attending a dissertation seminar class via video feed. So thankful and relieved for that. I am DONE with my 1st year of PhD school!!! What a year it has been! I turned in my final paper and presentation today and am so relieved to have all of my school stuff done. I am looking forward to the week next week where I can fully focus on recovery without the thought of papers needing to be done. I am SO happy to be done....for a while:)
So, we will continue to make trips to Houston weekly until May 30th, which by the way is only 3 weeks away!! Craziness ! God is so faithful. I had a client ask me today if I was nervous aout radiation, and that was truly the first time I really thought about it. I told her that I am slightly nervous, but I'm mostly excited. It brings an end to my cancer/ healing journey. It is the final step in the cancer treatment process. Although I still have a long road of reconstruction, that is cosmetic and not related to treatment itself. So, I am kind of looking forward to it. A time to reflect on what all God has done for me and all He will continue to do. I love Jesus so much.
One more thing...I walked in the relay for life walk this past Friday and that was a neat experience. I got to meet Tabbby Soignier, who is a girl in our area that just fought cancer and won, and that was wonderful to get to visit with her. She is about my age and we walked the survivor lap together. I think because my news was still so fresh, it hadnt really hit me that I was a "survivor", but it is pretty amazing. I have survived death. All glory to my God. I also got to visit with Donna Tarver, who is also a recent breast cancer survivor that has helped me so much. It was a great event, and Josh and I want to get more involved next year. It was fun for kids too. We look forward to the day we can take our kids to an event like that and get to tell and re-tell God's story of saving me. Josh and I love you all so much. I know there is a way to reply to the blog comments, and I will be figuring that out soon. We can't say thank you enough for the words of encouragement you all give to us. I remember when Josh first started the blog, and I wasn't so sure about sharing my life with anyone that chose to read, and now I am so thankful.
Tomorrow will be a pretty simple day in that I am just getting expanded and hopefully getting a drain or 2 out. I was able to get one drain removed last week, but I still have 4 in. I am so ready to get these drains out, but I know they must come out at the right time. My sleeping has gotten pretty rough, as I can't get comfortable because of the tightness in my chest and the drains...so please pray for better sleep. In the scheme of things, this is a small issue, but you just feel better when you sleep better! And poor Josh has about an inch of the bed to sleep on because I take up most of the bed with all my pillows. So, needless to say, sleep has been pretty tough for the both of us. Outside of the sleep and pain, I am doing better day by day. I am having back pain..probably because the way I have been sleeping, but please, please pray that this will go away. Satan tries to lie to me about different symptoms, but I rebuke him and put him in is place. If you only knew the spiritual warfare that goes on in this little girl's mind! God always wins. Vctory is won. Praise the Lord!!
I talked to my nurse today on the phone, and she said it could take up to a year to get to feeling like myself again. Typically, patients begin to feel better 4 to 6 months after surgery. Great, right? She explained to me that my body has just basically been through the ringer..to have chemo flowing through it for 6 months and then a radical surgery...so that made me feel better in knowing I feel as I should feel. I just wish the time table was just shorter. Everythng is relative now that I'm cancer-free. And oh yeah, I can officially use that term now. I asked my nurse when I would be deemed cancer-free by tests and such, and she said that my pathology is what deemed me cancer free. She explained that I wouldn't have any body scans unless I was having any persistent symptoms that occurred. At that point, would have scans(which will never happen, in Jesus' name..the persistent symptoms part). She explained that I will not have any full- body scans until closer to the time of trying to have a baby. So, I'm cancer free. Yep, that's me.
We also have a date for the potential start of radiation- May 30th! Pending that all of my expansions are done by that date, as well as proper arm movement, I will start radiation on the 30th. So, until then, I will get expanded on both sides, and deflated on the left before the start of radiation. I will also be moving there for 6 weeks. I'm really looking forward to being in Houston. I will hopefully get some good alone time with God, as well as working on my dissertation. I'm so thankful to the ULM MFT department working with me on making my classes work... I will be attending a dissertation seminar class via video feed. So thankful and relieved for that. I am DONE with my 1st year of PhD school!!! What a year it has been! I turned in my final paper and presentation today and am so relieved to have all of my school stuff done. I am looking forward to the week next week where I can fully focus on recovery without the thought of papers needing to be done. I am SO happy to be done....for a while:)
So, we will continue to make trips to Houston weekly until May 30th, which by the way is only 3 weeks away!! Craziness ! God is so faithful. I had a client ask me today if I was nervous aout radiation, and that was truly the first time I really thought about it. I told her that I am slightly nervous, but I'm mostly excited. It brings an end to my cancer/ healing journey. It is the final step in the cancer treatment process. Although I still have a long road of reconstruction, that is cosmetic and not related to treatment itself. So, I am kind of looking forward to it. A time to reflect on what all God has done for me and all He will continue to do. I love Jesus so much.
One more thing...I walked in the relay for life walk this past Friday and that was a neat experience. I got to meet Tabbby Soignier, who is a girl in our area that just fought cancer and won, and that was wonderful to get to visit with her. She is about my age and we walked the survivor lap together. I think because my news was still so fresh, it hadnt really hit me that I was a "survivor", but it is pretty amazing. I have survived death. All glory to my God. I also got to visit with Donna Tarver, who is also a recent breast cancer survivor that has helped me so much. It was a great event, and Josh and I want to get more involved next year. It was fun for kids too. We look forward to the day we can take our kids to an event like that and get to tell and re-tell God's story of saving me. Josh and I love you all so much. I know there is a way to reply to the blog comments, and I will be figuring that out soon. We can't say thank you enough for the words of encouragement you all give to us. I remember when Josh first started the blog, and I wasn't so sure about sharing my life with anyone that chose to read, and now I am so thankful.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
I am healed.. I am whole!
Wow...so much can happen in one week! Last week at this time, I was still in much pain from surgery, and now I am feeling SO much better. It has been one crazy, painful, amazing week.
I am so indebted to those who have spent time on their knees on my behalf. I literally could burst into tears at any moment when I think of someone praying for me. It is just so humbling. I had my closest friends and family come to my surgery, which I know was such a sacrifice...Josh, my mom, Mr. Joey, Jessica, Mr. Terry, Ms. Renea, Kelly, Ainsley, Margot, Thomas, Jonathan, Arvil, Cheryl, Ms. Tammy... I love you all so very much and I am the most blessed woman on the face of the earth. Seriously. I am..don't even try arguing with me!
Surgery was much tougher than I expected, but realizing what all I had done makes more sense to how I have been feeling. I had all my breast tissue removed in both breasts, 2 lymph nodes removed on my right side, 17 lymph nodes removed on my left, 5 drains put in under my breasts and armpits, and 2 tissue expanders put behind my chest muscles. So, I am realizing that it is ok for me to be feeling not-so-great:) I know Josh already explained what I struggled with, but the heat was intense!!! I was so hot and nauseous after surgery.. I hate to feel like a bad patient, but that is what I was. I couldn't get comfortable and nothing would make me feel better. Josh was so patient with me, as he iced down rags and put them all over my body. That was the only way I got relief! But, that is much better now, thank the Lord. I still have a lot of tightness in my chest and limited range of motion in both arms, but that is getting better too...this was just a crazy-involved surgery!
Josh has been the best nurse ever. Emptying my drains, bathing me, cleaning my incisions...He is amazing. I couldn't do all of this...he will definitely be the diaper-changer in this family:) I can't take grossness! He sets his alarm to give me my medicine and sets all my pillows up at night just perfectly. I am SO taken care of. Just had to give him a little shout out:) Of course, I think he's good at everything, but he would have been an excellent nurse!
So, on to the amazing, miraculous, exciting, unbelievable, incredible, there-arent-enough-awesome-words-to-describe- news!! No evidence of disease!!!!! We did not know whether we would find out the results on Monday or Tuesday, because we didn't know if the pathology would be back or not yet. When Dr. Litton and the other doctor walked in that room with the biggest smiles on their faces, we were in awe. When she said the news was perfect, Josh and I immediately burst into tears. She explained that she typically would go through the results and talk about possible clinical trials or things we needed to do, but since nothing came back, there was nothing to talk about. She explained that because I'm "triple negative", if anything had come back, she would have had more of a concern about reoccurrence. Because it was clear, she of course is still concerned, but not nearly as concerned as she would have been. Josh and I bawled and she continued talking and as our new friend, Brandi, said, it was like Charlie Brown"wa wa wa"... I don't remember much, but it boiled down to her saying, "You are now one of my follow ups!" Dr. Litton is so great and she oozes confidence. Her eyes welled up and just gave me the biggest hug. She literally was giddy. The entire moment (which was only about 10 minutes) was literally one of the best of my life. Obviously, because of the good news, but the atmosphere in that room involved 4 truly ecstatic people. It was fun to see 2 doctors so excited. The other doctor that she brought in was the doctor that initially wrote my scripts, so it was special for him as well. Oh, and Dr. Litton asked if she could call Dr. Morrow to tell her the news, and of course said yes!! I wish I could give her the biggest hug. I know she is thrilled for me. I keep pinching myself---this really did just happen!!! I expected my healing, but to have it happen---indescribable.
Oh, and Dr. Litton said that I wouldn't see her again for 3 months! Yes, 3 months! Craziness, right?! I am excited about this, but it is kind of like someone taking your security blanket away. I haven't gone longer than 3 weeks without seeing an oncologist, and now you're telling me I won't see you for 3 months?! Great, but kind of scary/crazy...I have no reason to fear, but it is kind of like ending chemo...bittersweet, when almost 7 months of your life have been seeing a doctor almost weekly. By one pathology report, everything changes..wow,wow, wow! I will cast down all imaginations, fears, and thoughts that do not line up with the word of God.
"For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds, casting down all imaginations, every high things that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ." 2 Corin. 10:4-5
Josh felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off of him yesterday. I don't think it has really hit me yet. This morning I had a joy that I don't know if I have ever felt in my life, so in that way I feel different, but it is just surreal. God has literally surrounded me as a shield. I am so grateful..and humbled..and honored.
So, today, we met with Dr. Babiera and Dr. Villa. We all have really gotten to know each other better, and I feel so close with all of my doctors. It is amazing the bond that can form so quickly. I am typically one that takes a while to feel close to someone..my love language is time, and it is a quite odd feeling to feel so close to people so quickly. I guess when your life is in the balance and these people are playing a part in your healing, time goes out the window:) Anyways, Dr. Babiera was so thrilled at my news. She said I was healing wonderfully. We asked her if there was anything else she could tell us, since Dr. Litton told us so little (because everything was clear) and she said, "No, there's no way it could be better. This is the best we could hope for." She gave me the biggest hug and you could just feel the love in the room! I know I probably sound so goofy and sappy, but Josh will back me up!!!:) A mixture of God's presence and just love! It was wonderful. She said that she would see me again in 6 weeks. Once again, craziness to not think about seeing her for 6 weeks! I am so blessed with the best doctor team.
She told us last time how sad she was to remove my breasts and how much she enjoys talking with us. She hugged me so tight this visit and asked me to bring her a picture of us together that she wanted. So grateful for that. Can't believe I won't see her for 6 weeks... It is literally like once you get a good report like mine, there is no need to see them. They treat sick people- not heathy people, like me:) THANK YOU JESUS!
Then we headed to see Dr. Villa to see if any drains could be taken out and possibly get expanded. None of my drains could be taken out, although several of them are very close to coming out. I am glad that Dr. Villa is very conservative though, because I would hate to have them taken out too early and then have swollen, hurting arms, so I am willing to let them drain as long as they need to. I am healed!!! I'll have drains for the rest of my life if I have to!!!! :) I did get to get expanded though. The process is crazy and amazing at the same time. They inject the saline in the same way they accessed my port, although you can't see the port in the tissue expander. They find the port by a magnetic device, because the port is magnetic. It is pretty cool. Then they access it and inject the saline, and I grow by the second! It was crazy! He injected 75 cc's and it was a weird feeling. The tissue expander is placed behind my chest muscle, so not only is my skin being stretched, but my muscle is moving too! I should get expanded weekly or bi- weekly, just according to how my skin looks and how well I can tolerate the pain from expanding. Oh, and by the way, we love Dr. Villa. He is so great and so is his P.A., Alicia. He has gone over the top in reiterating that I will look very close to my old self when all this is said and done. Before my surgery, he came and marked me and assured me that he would take the absolute best care of me. I really have the best team of doctors. So many people prayed for this, and it is amazing to be living it and seeing the whole "team" and how they fit together.
So..what's next? Drains out, expansions, and radiation! We found out that I can be expanded and get my drains out here in West Monroe and my doctor felt completely fine with me doing that. There are some things that MDA is stickler on doing there, but this is not one of those things, so, tomorrow, I will work on making those appointments. I have an appointment set up for next Thursday with my radiation doctor, but that may be moved. We are still thinking that radiation will start around the last week of May, but will keep you updated.
I praise God for my healing and will continue to pray for life-long health. I am believing Nahum 1:9 in that my sickness has left and will not come back again. Affliction will not rise up a second time!
"Whatever they plot against the Lord, He will bring to an end; trouble will not come a second time."
Please pray and believe this with me. I won't pay much attention to reoccurrence rates, but I know they are high. It can be easy to think that every little thing in my body is the cancer coming back, so please pray that it never touches my body ever again, but also that God will give me supernatural peace and guard my mind. I want to be desperate for God and for my healing and others-- not just at times of famine, but in feast as well. I want God to know I am just as desperate for Him when things are going well, as when they are not. Please don't let your prayers stop now that I am healed. I know the Father has just basked in His conversations with all of us. Let us praise Him and talk to him even more. Please be desperate for your own sake, for my sake, and most of all to just simply give God glory, honor, and praise. Also, now that chemo is continually leaving my body, please continue to pray for my fertility... That my body would return to normal and show signs of fertility:) thank you in advance for these prayers.
I have posted several pictures below from surgery and happy pictures with my doctors. I figured you might like seeing pictures of my doctors and just my experience. Sometimes I feel like I post too much on here, but I want the people who have prayed me through to be as involved as possible. I love you all so very much...
I am so indebted to those who have spent time on their knees on my behalf. I literally could burst into tears at any moment when I think of someone praying for me. It is just so humbling. I had my closest friends and family come to my surgery, which I know was such a sacrifice...Josh, my mom, Mr. Joey, Jessica, Mr. Terry, Ms. Renea, Kelly, Ainsley, Margot, Thomas, Jonathan, Arvil, Cheryl, Ms. Tammy... I love you all so very much and I am the most blessed woman on the face of the earth. Seriously. I am..don't even try arguing with me!
Surgery was much tougher than I expected, but realizing what all I had done makes more sense to how I have been feeling. I had all my breast tissue removed in both breasts, 2 lymph nodes removed on my right side, 17 lymph nodes removed on my left, 5 drains put in under my breasts and armpits, and 2 tissue expanders put behind my chest muscles. So, I am realizing that it is ok for me to be feeling not-so-great:) I know Josh already explained what I struggled with, but the heat was intense!!! I was so hot and nauseous after surgery.. I hate to feel like a bad patient, but that is what I was. I couldn't get comfortable and nothing would make me feel better. Josh was so patient with me, as he iced down rags and put them all over my body. That was the only way I got relief! But, that is much better now, thank the Lord. I still have a lot of tightness in my chest and limited range of motion in both arms, but that is getting better too...this was just a crazy-involved surgery!
Josh has been the best nurse ever. Emptying my drains, bathing me, cleaning my incisions...He is amazing. I couldn't do all of this...he will definitely be the diaper-changer in this family:) I can't take grossness! He sets his alarm to give me my medicine and sets all my pillows up at night just perfectly. I am SO taken care of. Just had to give him a little shout out:) Of course, I think he's good at everything, but he would have been an excellent nurse!
So, on to the amazing, miraculous, exciting, unbelievable, incredible, there-arent-enough-awesome-words-to-describe- news!! No evidence of disease!!!!! We did not know whether we would find out the results on Monday or Tuesday, because we didn't know if the pathology would be back or not yet. When Dr. Litton and the other doctor walked in that room with the biggest smiles on their faces, we were in awe. When she said the news was perfect, Josh and I immediately burst into tears. She explained that she typically would go through the results and talk about possible clinical trials or things we needed to do, but since nothing came back, there was nothing to talk about. She explained that because I'm "triple negative", if anything had come back, she would have had more of a concern about reoccurrence. Because it was clear, she of course is still concerned, but not nearly as concerned as she would have been. Josh and I bawled and she continued talking and as our new friend, Brandi, said, it was like Charlie Brown"wa wa wa"... I don't remember much, but it boiled down to her saying, "You are now one of my follow ups!" Dr. Litton is so great and she oozes confidence. Her eyes welled up and just gave me the biggest hug. She literally was giddy. The entire moment (which was only about 10 minutes) was literally one of the best of my life. Obviously, because of the good news, but the atmosphere in that room involved 4 truly ecstatic people. It was fun to see 2 doctors so excited. The other doctor that she brought in was the doctor that initially wrote my scripts, so it was special for him as well. Oh, and Dr. Litton asked if she could call Dr. Morrow to tell her the news, and of course said yes!! I wish I could give her the biggest hug. I know she is thrilled for me. I keep pinching myself---this really did just happen!!! I expected my healing, but to have it happen---indescribable.
Oh, and Dr. Litton said that I wouldn't see her again for 3 months! Yes, 3 months! Craziness, right?! I am excited about this, but it is kind of like someone taking your security blanket away. I haven't gone longer than 3 weeks without seeing an oncologist, and now you're telling me I won't see you for 3 months?! Great, but kind of scary/crazy...I have no reason to fear, but it is kind of like ending chemo...bittersweet, when almost 7 months of your life have been seeing a doctor almost weekly. By one pathology report, everything changes..wow,wow, wow! I will cast down all imaginations, fears, and thoughts that do not line up with the word of God.
"For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds, casting down all imaginations, every high things that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ." 2 Corin. 10:4-5
Josh felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off of him yesterday. I don't think it has really hit me yet. This morning I had a joy that I don't know if I have ever felt in my life, so in that way I feel different, but it is just surreal. God has literally surrounded me as a shield. I am so grateful..and humbled..and honored.
So, today, we met with Dr. Babiera and Dr. Villa. We all have really gotten to know each other better, and I feel so close with all of my doctors. It is amazing the bond that can form so quickly. I am typically one that takes a while to feel close to someone..my love language is time, and it is a quite odd feeling to feel so close to people so quickly. I guess when your life is in the balance and these people are playing a part in your healing, time goes out the window:) Anyways, Dr. Babiera was so thrilled at my news. She said I was healing wonderfully. We asked her if there was anything else she could tell us, since Dr. Litton told us so little (because everything was clear) and she said, "No, there's no way it could be better. This is the best we could hope for." She gave me the biggest hug and you could just feel the love in the room! I know I probably sound so goofy and sappy, but Josh will back me up!!!:) A mixture of God's presence and just love! It was wonderful. She said that she would see me again in 6 weeks. Once again, craziness to not think about seeing her for 6 weeks! I am so blessed with the best doctor team.
She told us last time how sad she was to remove my breasts and how much she enjoys talking with us. She hugged me so tight this visit and asked me to bring her a picture of us together that she wanted. So grateful for that. Can't believe I won't see her for 6 weeks... It is literally like once you get a good report like mine, there is no need to see them. They treat sick people- not heathy people, like me:) THANK YOU JESUS!
Then we headed to see Dr. Villa to see if any drains could be taken out and possibly get expanded. None of my drains could be taken out, although several of them are very close to coming out. I am glad that Dr. Villa is very conservative though, because I would hate to have them taken out too early and then have swollen, hurting arms, so I am willing to let them drain as long as they need to. I am healed!!! I'll have drains for the rest of my life if I have to!!!! :) I did get to get expanded though. The process is crazy and amazing at the same time. They inject the saline in the same way they accessed my port, although you can't see the port in the tissue expander. They find the port by a magnetic device, because the port is magnetic. It is pretty cool. Then they access it and inject the saline, and I grow by the second! It was crazy! He injected 75 cc's and it was a weird feeling. The tissue expander is placed behind my chest muscle, so not only is my skin being stretched, but my muscle is moving too! I should get expanded weekly or bi- weekly, just according to how my skin looks and how well I can tolerate the pain from expanding. Oh, and by the way, we love Dr. Villa. He is so great and so is his P.A., Alicia. He has gone over the top in reiterating that I will look very close to my old self when all this is said and done. Before my surgery, he came and marked me and assured me that he would take the absolute best care of me. I really have the best team of doctors. So many people prayed for this, and it is amazing to be living it and seeing the whole "team" and how they fit together.
So..what's next? Drains out, expansions, and radiation! We found out that I can be expanded and get my drains out here in West Monroe and my doctor felt completely fine with me doing that. There are some things that MDA is stickler on doing there, but this is not one of those things, so, tomorrow, I will work on making those appointments. I have an appointment set up for next Thursday with my radiation doctor, but that may be moved. We are still thinking that radiation will start around the last week of May, but will keep you updated.
I praise God for my healing and will continue to pray for life-long health. I am believing Nahum 1:9 in that my sickness has left and will not come back again. Affliction will not rise up a second time!
"Whatever they plot against the Lord, He will bring to an end; trouble will not come a second time."
Please pray and believe this with me. I won't pay much attention to reoccurrence rates, but I know they are high. It can be easy to think that every little thing in my body is the cancer coming back, so please pray that it never touches my body ever again, but also that God will give me supernatural peace and guard my mind. I want to be desperate for God and for my healing and others-- not just at times of famine, but in feast as well. I want God to know I am just as desperate for Him when things are going well, as when they are not. Please don't let your prayers stop now that I am healed. I know the Father has just basked in His conversations with all of us. Let us praise Him and talk to him even more. Please be desperate for your own sake, for my sake, and most of all to just simply give God glory, honor, and praise. Also, now that chemo is continually leaving my body, please continue to pray for my fertility... That my body would return to normal and show signs of fertility:) thank you in advance for these prayers.
I have posted several pictures below from surgery and happy pictures with my doctors. I figured you might like seeing pictures of my doctors and just my experience. Sometimes I feel like I post too much on here, but I want the people who have prayed me through to be as involved as possible. I love you all so very much...
Before surgery...not exactly realizing what I was getting in to!!
This was one of the terrible heat episodes! Josh put ice rags everywhere:)
After hearing my pathology results- with Dr. Litton and the other doctor!!
With Dr. Babiera..so happy after my appointment today:)
Monday, April 30, 2012
Mastectomies and lymph nodes pathology- results!!
Wow...well today will be another day we will never forget. We just got done meeting with Dr. Litton and as if God needed to prove himself again, He did just that in a huge way. We were waiting for my appointment today, and Dr. Litton and another doctor walked in. She asked us if we had heard our results yet, and we said no. She said ,"Good, I always like to have another doctor with me when I give good results." and I said, "So, it's good?" She said, "No, it's perfect!!!!"
All breast tissue and lymph nodes came back completely clear - no evidence of disease- anywhere. She was so shocked and excited, because she rarely gets to give this news. Josh and I are still in awe, although we expected my full healing. Our God is so faithful!! Please praise Him with me today. For all who prayed, fasted, and sought the Lord on my behalf...there are no words!!! At some point, I will have full-body scans to be deemed "cancer-free", but I already know what the scans will show:) I am just one thankful girl.
Psalm 30:2 "O lord my God, I cried out to you, and you healed me!"
Thank you for crying out with me!!! Our God is just amazing.
I will write more today or tomorrow of details, but wanted to share this amazing news!!!
Saturday, April 28, 2012
First Checkup- Pathology Report
We are now 5 days removed from Aly's surgery and she is getting better. I think it is safe to say that we may have understood what they would be doing in function but now so much as a whole what exactly this surgery took to make happen.
As Aly has recovered we have come to realize that whatever they go in and do must be quite a little task because Aly has not been able to beat the soreness and pain. That could be a combination of the actual surgery but is also going to be an ongoing pain where the drains exit her body.
For those that do not know what these drains look like I will try and describe on some level what they are. Take a drinking straw and make it about 2-3 feet long, attach a hand size plastic balloon on one end and put the other end where you want the fluid to drain from. They literally make a 2-3 inch cut in her side halfway between hip and armpit, insert the drain tubes and sew them in place. There are 5 of these drains that are always draining fluid from inside of Aly and are kind of pulling her skin. Sounds painful, looks painful so needless to say we are ready for them to go.
We will leave tomorrow after church and head to Houston for appointments on Monday and Tuesday. On Monday morning we will meet with Dr. Litton who is Aly's medical oncologist. We hope to get the pathology report on the breast tissue that was removed and also the results of the lymph nodes. We have been told that when you have a lymph node di-section and run pathology on them even after chemo you have a 20-40% chance of being cancer free in those lymph nodes. That means by medical definition there is a 60-80% chance of there being residual disease in those lymph nodes. We believe God has put Aly in the percent of patients that have no residual disease whatsoever. We ask that you pray with us that this is the case.
On Tuesday we will meet with Aly's surgical oncologist and also her plastic surgeon. In those meetings we will hear how Aly is actually healing after the surgery. According to how the drains are acting there is a chance that Aly could get some of them removed if not all of them. Needless to say we are praying and believing also that Aly be able to get some of the drains removed if not all of them.
Thank you all for believing with us that God has healed Aly and that on Monday or Tuesday we get further confirmation of that.
As Aly has recovered we have come to realize that whatever they go in and do must be quite a little task because Aly has not been able to beat the soreness and pain. That could be a combination of the actual surgery but is also going to be an ongoing pain where the drains exit her body.
For those that do not know what these drains look like I will try and describe on some level what they are. Take a drinking straw and make it about 2-3 feet long, attach a hand size plastic balloon on one end and put the other end where you want the fluid to drain from. They literally make a 2-3 inch cut in her side halfway between hip and armpit, insert the drain tubes and sew them in place. There are 5 of these drains that are always draining fluid from inside of Aly and are kind of pulling her skin. Sounds painful, looks painful so needless to say we are ready for them to go.
We will leave tomorrow after church and head to Houston for appointments on Monday and Tuesday. On Monday morning we will meet with Dr. Litton who is Aly's medical oncologist. We hope to get the pathology report on the breast tissue that was removed and also the results of the lymph nodes. We have been told that when you have a lymph node di-section and run pathology on them even after chemo you have a 20-40% chance of being cancer free in those lymph nodes. That means by medical definition there is a 60-80% chance of there being residual disease in those lymph nodes. We believe God has put Aly in the percent of patients that have no residual disease whatsoever. We ask that you pray with us that this is the case.
On Tuesday we will meet with Aly's surgical oncologist and also her plastic surgeon. In those meetings we will hear how Aly is actually healing after the surgery. According to how the drains are acting there is a chance that Aly could get some of them removed if not all of them. Needless to say we are praying and believing also that Aly be able to get some of the drains removed if not all of them.
Thank you all for believing with us that God has healed Aly and that on Monday or Tuesday we get further confirmation of that.
Here is Aly in the spot she has occupied for the last few days. The note you see is from Anna Cate Miller.
Lord, give me faith like a child.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Genetic Test Results- Judge Norris- I'm not a Doctor
Well we got home last night about 11:45 and Aly was able to get in bed and sleep a good bit. Good rest is easily disrupted by 5:00am alarm clocks but the good thing about that was it meant a hydrocodone was on it's way so the pain was about to get better.
We got a great piece of news today, Aly's BART test came back negative. This is another genetic test they wanted to run. We will now have another Genetic test run which is called the P53.
Aly still had a good bit of pain today but she was able to move around a little more than yesterday. I assume that was a combination of feeling a bit better and being at home. When I did go to sleep last night I was absolutely terrified that I was going to have some crazy dream and reach over and accidentally hurt Aly's drains or chest.
If anyone comes into our house and enters our bathroom they will think we are trying to avoid the hospitals and have setup our own little care center. There have been some funny moments.
The cycle for us is:
1) Strip the drains, yes it is literally what it says. It is a small tube that drains the fluid from inside Aly's surgery sight. It collects in small plastic cylinders and we then empty them and measure the amount of each. My understanding is when each drain collects less than 30ml two days in a row Aly will be able to have it removed. So there is a goal. (2 times per day) There are 5 total drains.
2) Undress and clean actual surgery sight which is done with saline wash and then applying a healing cream, no this isn't the Bible in a bottle, this is a man made "healing" cream. (this is also done twice a day)
3) Pain, nausea and antibiotic pills every 4-6 hours.
Mrs. Robin Hutson brought us lunch today, chicken and rice. I was able to eat this. She also brought coconut bread, cake, both of which were made with more healthy items than my body can tolerate at this time so Aly ate some but I had to abstain for health reasons.
Here is my funny moment of the day, or at least the funniest moment of the day.
This morning I had to go to WM city court to complete an eviction of a tenant. The court room was packed, and I am not kidding, packed. Mr. Ron Barfield who for any kid in WM that played sports knows very well runs the court room. When I came in he found me a seat, a nice cushioned one and we waited for the judge. He came in and got started and my case was the 4th one up. He called our name and I went to the stand and take a wild guess at what his first question was????
How's your wife? Yes, Judge Norris asked me how my wife was, in front of a full court room, I had prepared to defend an eviction but for him to know about Aly also, come on people. For 21 years I was Lee's brother, now I'm Mr. Aly. Great. Obviously this actually meant a lot as I look to the right of the judge and the clerks are all red eyed, they knew, I don't know how but as Aly's husband I get a front row seat to watch Aly affect people she doesn't know. By the way, Jerry Howell is a city Marshall also- I'm assuming he may be responsible for this leak, he is also a neighbor to us.
Last story, tonight after church I was headed to honor Aly by getting Orange Leaf, (she will find out about Orange Leaf when she reads this in the morning) which she loves but can't have, while on my way to Wal-Mart. I got a call from Mr. Larry Cooper, if you know Larry Cooper you know to say he is a wealth of information is a vast understatement. From the moment we found out about Aly I have talked with Mr. Larry almost every other day and sometimes more. Tonight was a funny one. He was asking me how Aly was doing, and yes it is more an asking of "are you taking care of her or do I need to come over there" kind of, how is Aly doing. He then says, straight up with out change of tone, "I think they let people out of the hospital too early, if something happens you better call and get help because you may have talents but medicine is not one of them". To that I reply, Yes Sir.
Ok, another one. Aly had her surgery Monday so her last shower was Monday morning at 4:15am. No matter how much love you have, people need showers each day and sometimes twice a day. Tonight Aly was able to get in the bath and her nurse helped bathe what could be bathed and not affect the drains and or surgery sight. That poor nurse, such a sacrifice.
We got a great piece of news today, Aly's BART test came back negative. This is another genetic test they wanted to run. We will now have another Genetic test run which is called the P53.
Aly still had a good bit of pain today but she was able to move around a little more than yesterday. I assume that was a combination of feeling a bit better and being at home. When I did go to sleep last night I was absolutely terrified that I was going to have some crazy dream and reach over and accidentally hurt Aly's drains or chest.
If anyone comes into our house and enters our bathroom they will think we are trying to avoid the hospitals and have setup our own little care center. There have been some funny moments.
The cycle for us is:
1) Strip the drains, yes it is literally what it says. It is a small tube that drains the fluid from inside Aly's surgery sight. It collects in small plastic cylinders and we then empty them and measure the amount of each. My understanding is when each drain collects less than 30ml two days in a row Aly will be able to have it removed. So there is a goal. (2 times per day) There are 5 total drains.
2) Undress and clean actual surgery sight which is done with saline wash and then applying a healing cream, no this isn't the Bible in a bottle, this is a man made "healing" cream. (this is also done twice a day)
3) Pain, nausea and antibiotic pills every 4-6 hours.
Mrs. Robin Hutson brought us lunch today, chicken and rice. I was able to eat this. She also brought coconut bread, cake, both of which were made with more healthy items than my body can tolerate at this time so Aly ate some but I had to abstain for health reasons.
Here is my funny moment of the day, or at least the funniest moment of the day.
This morning I had to go to WM city court to complete an eviction of a tenant. The court room was packed, and I am not kidding, packed. Mr. Ron Barfield who for any kid in WM that played sports knows very well runs the court room. When I came in he found me a seat, a nice cushioned one and we waited for the judge. He came in and got started and my case was the 4th one up. He called our name and I went to the stand and take a wild guess at what his first question was????
How's your wife? Yes, Judge Norris asked me how my wife was, in front of a full court room, I had prepared to defend an eviction but for him to know about Aly also, come on people. For 21 years I was Lee's brother, now I'm Mr. Aly. Great. Obviously this actually meant a lot as I look to the right of the judge and the clerks are all red eyed, they knew, I don't know how but as Aly's husband I get a front row seat to watch Aly affect people she doesn't know. By the way, Jerry Howell is a city Marshall also- I'm assuming he may be responsible for this leak, he is also a neighbor to us.
Last story, tonight after church I was headed to honor Aly by getting Orange Leaf, (she will find out about Orange Leaf when she reads this in the morning) which she loves but can't have, while on my way to Wal-Mart. I got a call from Mr. Larry Cooper, if you know Larry Cooper you know to say he is a wealth of information is a vast understatement. From the moment we found out about Aly I have talked with Mr. Larry almost every other day and sometimes more. Tonight was a funny one. He was asking me how Aly was doing, and yes it is more an asking of "are you taking care of her or do I need to come over there" kind of, how is Aly doing. He then says, straight up with out change of tone, "I think they let people out of the hospital too early, if something happens you better call and get help because you may have talents but medicine is not one of them". To that I reply, Yes Sir.
Ok, another one. Aly had her surgery Monday so her last shower was Monday morning at 4:15am. No matter how much love you have, people need showers each day and sometimes twice a day. Tonight Aly was able to get in the bath and her nurse helped bathe what could be bathed and not affect the drains and or surgery sight. That poor nurse, such a sacrifice.
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